kemewahan masa kini

Well, I have to say that I'm so grounded lately. Hmmm..
Confused what to do and say!!
Intinya, saya sedang bimbangggg kawan..
Hati rasanya galauuu luar biasaa.
Ga ngertiii kenapaa.. Yang pastii bimbaaangg aja gitu.
Struggling.
huff, luar biasa menyiksaaa perasaan kaya gini.
Klise. Memang.
Tapi mau gimana lagi? Blog gw adalah salah satu sarana gw buat menumpahkan uneg" yang sedemikian numpuk di kepala gw.
Sekaligus tempat gw sharing sama pembaca blog gw. Dengan harapan, apa yg gw rasain dan pernah alamin, bs jadi inspirasi buat orang-orang yg baca blog gw.
YA. Blog ini memuat tentang segala sesuatu tentang hidup gw. Gw tuturkan secara jujur tanpa ditambahin bumbu-bumbu lain.
Ok. Back to topic. Ya, tentang kegalauan yang melanda hati dan pikiran saya akhir" ini.
Bagaimana ini?
Pengen bgt ngusir gundah di hati, tp ga tau caranya.

Awal kegalauan ini dimulai dari kekangenan gw pada hidup gw yg lama.
Ngumpul sama keluarga. Jalan" sama papi mami ika. Makan malem di meja makan bareng".
Hal" kaya gitu udah menjadi sesuatu yang mewah buat gw 1taon8bulan belakangan ini. Dalam arti, jarang terjadi.
Ironis bukan?
Pulang ke rumah sendiri berasa asing. Oh God, I need your help!
Pleaseeee..

halusinasi

Terkadang nafsu makan mengalahkan segalanya..
Itulah yg sedang melanda saya..
Gw lagi in the mood buat makan secara lebay alias berlebihan alias buaanyaaak..
Yang ada di pikiran gw adalah halusinasi makanan-makanan enak yg berseliweran di otak maupun mata gw.
contoh halusinasi yg sedang terlintas di otak gw adalah :
1.Indomie-telor-kornet-keju dengan sedikit kucuran susu di kuahnya. Sruppuut..sruppuut.
2.Baso telor dengan kuah super-duper asem
3.Rujak buah tanpa cabe di bumbunya
4.Cumi goreng mentega di seafood pangpol.nyaaam..
5.Nasi gudeg pangpol [pdhal br kemaren gw makan disana. Hmm..pake dukun gw rasa.]
6.Soto betawi
7.Soto kudus buatan mama paling enak sedunia.
8.Beef udon sushi tei
9.Gyuniku roll sushi tei. Mantabs!!
10.Sweet&sour chicken selfmade. Hahaha saya jagonya buat ini. :)
11.Muntahu selfmade.

Itulah kira² makanan yg saya halusinasikan barusan..
Dan saya bingung bagaimana memakan makanan itu semua disaat yg bersamaan?
Hahahaha

Saya bingung..

sang bintang lapangan

Okee.. Setelah bbrp saat vakum menulis blog ini. Gw akan membuat sebuah postingan tentang kehidupan gw akhir" ini.
Dimulai dari hari Kamis tanggal 19 november 2009, gw menonton pertandingan futsal yg diadain sm anak UI.
Ceritanya hr itu, kampus gw akan bertanding melawan Unpad di babak perempat final.
Berbekal gaya freestyle, akhirnya kampus gw, London School harus ikhlass seikhlas-ikhlasnya menerima kekalahan 6-0 melawan universitas Padjajaran Dago.
Bermodal 2 supporter setia yaitu gw dan dana, kampus gw bener² dibantaiii habiss oleh unpad dago.
Namun, karena memang unpad dago memang sangat berpengalaman, gw pun akhirnya ikhlas.
Akhirnyaa.. Seluruh tim futsal LSPR plus gw dan dana mendukung penuh tim futsal unpad.

Pertandingan demi pertandingan dilalui, sang bintang lapanganpun mulai bersinarrrr..
Dan dia adalah APIS. Sang kapten dari tim futsal Unpad. Bernomor punggung 5.
YA, pertandingan demi pertandingan dilewati.. Sinarnya semakin ceraaah..
Mental sang kapten benarrr-benarr ada di dalam dirinya.
Ahhhh.. Kanggg apisss! Tunjukk akuuu! *NGAREP*

Hari ini gw dpt kabar dr dana, katanya apis itu nama aslinya REYNATO, anak FIKOM UNPAD.
Hmmmmmm..
Kang Reynatooo.. Saya teh ngefanssss! Edaaan..

some energy please!

Your Gift Is Energy

You are easily excitable, and you love to be on the go. You crave intensity. You need to live a dynamic, interesting, and challenging life. Otherwise, you get bored. It's hard for you to relax. You're constantly being inspired to do something. You're the type of person who finds success, innovation, and creativity easy.

What's Your Gift?

fruit salad

You Are Fruit Salad

You are a light-hearted and carefree person. You see the happy, colorful side of life. You are naturally sweet and kind. You believe it's important to be easy on people. Even when you have to criticize, you try to be as gentle as possible. If you ended up hurting someone, it would hurt you just as much. You're very sensitive.

What Kind of Salad Are You?

happy 1st anniversary!! finallyyy...

HURRAAAY..
finally.. hubungan yang tadinya sangat meragukan ini akhirnya terbukti sudah.. hohohoho
nyampe 1 taunnnnnnnn juga akhirnyaaaa..
gw berharap hubungan ini bisa terus abadi sampe nanti gw mati.. AMINN..
hmm..
what can i say today?
ga ada apa" sih sebenernya.. tapi gw merasa istimewa aja hari ini..
sungguh istimewa.. :)

preferably black or red!!

You Should Drive a Pink Car

You're the type of driver who really loves your car. You can make a car last for ages - or take good care of a vintage ride. You're independent, creative, and very expressive. You consider your car a part of you ... and you want to make it as funky as possible.

What Color Car Should You Drive?

kiddos..

You Are Cereal

Playful and lighthearted, breakfast is likely your favorite meal of the day. (In fact, you're probably the type who sneaks cereal as a midnight snack.) Your culinary skills are probably a bit lacking... and you are a sucker for junk food. Some people accuse you of eating like a kid, but you prefer to think of yourself as low maintenance.

What Kind of Breakfast Are You?

funhouse, am i?

You Are a Funhouse

You are an open, flexible person who is able to see the world through many perspectives. Self reflective and honest, you're able to take a hard, objective look at yourself (even if you don't like what you see!). In relationships, you are a bit of a narcissist. But you can't really help it... You're by far the most interesting person you know! Your life is a bit perplexing. Things aren't always what they seem - even to you. You've successfully cultivated an enigmatic reputation. But you're still a mystery to yourself. Deep down, you often feel a little lost in the world. And you're okay with that. Trapdoors and dead ends are something you expect. You just enjoy figuring out what it all means. At your best, you are self aware and savvy. You know yourself well... including where you've been and where you're going. At your worst, you are vain, self centered, and egotistical. You sometimes look so far inward... it's the only thing you see.

What Carnival Ride Are You?

i'm a DAD???

You Are the Father

You are a strong, powerful figure in the lives of your friends and families. In general, you value justice and fairness. You appreciate structure and rules. At your best, you protect and guide those close to you. You are a born leader. You are good at establishing order in chaotic situations. At your worst, you are a tyrant who rules through intimidation and criticism. You are quick to condemn other people as pathetic losers not worth your time.

What Family Role Do You Play?

this is what my handbags say about me.. haha

What Your Handbag Says About You

You tend to be relaxed throughout the day. You are naturally at peace. You are a high maintenance person. You feel lost outside of your normal environment. You are a very creative person. Your life tends to be a whirlwind, but you always seem to pull it together. You are practical and down to earth. You tend to be a rather reserved and quiet person. You are a very unique and special person. There's no one else who is anything like you.

What Does Your Handbag Say About You?

yay.. i tend to be FRIDAY the frightened day!

You Are Friday

Like this day of the week, you are ruled by Venus. More than anything, you are outgoing. You are a very affectionate, caring person. You love being with others. Deep down, you crave attention. You are secretly quite vain. Friday tends to be a very social day, which fits you perfectly. You don't like the structure of the work week. You're always waiting for the weekend.

What Day of the Week Are You?

chicken noodle soup.. hmm..

You Are Chicken Noodle Soup

You are a traditional and conservative person. You value the past, and change frightens you. You are very loyal, especially to your family. You prefer a low-key life, with lots of time spent at home. You like soup because it's easy, quick, and cheap. You tend to have a favorite soup you stick to. Why change a good thing?

What Kind of Soup Are You?

i'm an ALT?

You Are "alt"

Some people might find you to be strange, mysterious, and even a bit off putting. You tend to be drawn to and influenced by alternative lifestyles. You're definitely not normal. Once people get to know you, they realize you're interesting, intriguing, and very intelligent. You have a lot of knowledge stored in that big brain of yours. Most of it is useless knowledge, but some of it is very useful.

What Keyboard Key Are You?

simbiosis mutualisme..

SHIT.. DAMN.. GROUNDED..HURT..

itulah mungkin sebagian kecil yg bisa mewakili keadaan hati gw sekarang!
gw bener" lagi terpuruk..
entah harus gimana lagi gw menghadapi semua ini.
gw cuma bisa pasrah mungkin.
udah ga ada yang peduli juga sama gw..
bahkan orang" yg ngakunya SAHABAT, malah nganggep gw aneh! hmm.. gimana ga aneh?
jelaslaah gw aneh, orang keadaan kok yang bikin gw kaya gini. keadaan yg bikin mental gw terganggu.. bikin kondisi psikis gw terguncang dengan sangat hebat. sungguh hidup memang kejam.

gimana ya memulainya? gw sendiri juga bingung kalo disuruh nyeritain dari awal.
ahahaha mungkin yg udah pernah baca postingan di blog gw sebelum"nya udah ngerti kalii kenapa gw bisa ngadepin situasi yang kaya skrg..

YAP!!

penyebabnya adalah karena cowo.. hmmm...
keluarga gw ga setuju sama hubungan yg gw jalanin ini, gw bener" terpuruk.

dan yang tadinya "dia" yakin sama hubungan ini, malah berubah haluan jadi ga yakin. SHITTT MAN..
gw bingung sejadi"nya.. MAUNYA APA?

dan yang bikin gw tambah gundah gulana,resah,dan uring"an adalah..
MENGAPA DIA MENJADI PEMBOHONG SKRG?
such a liar!!
gw benci dibohongin..
gw benci ditipu
gw benci ditutup"in dari kenyataan yg ada!

gw udah ngasih kepercayaan penuh ke dia..
tp kenapa begini jadinya???
kalo gw berbuat begitu, apa dia mau nerima alesan gw?????

sungguh makhluk adam ga ada yg bisa ngebuat gw 100% settle..
mereka pengen dipercaya, tp ga bisa ngejaga kepercayaan. bagaimanakah kaum hawa mempertahankan kepercayaannyaaaa??

JAWABLAH WAHAI KAUM ADAMM...

kalian membuat para kaum hawa harap-harap cemas menunggu kabar..
kalian membuat para kaum hawa kehilangan kepercayaan..
kalian membuat kaum hawa yg lemah ini semakin terpuruk ke dalam keadaan yg sangat sulit..
keberadaan kalian hanya membuat kami para kaum hawa terkadang naik ke awang" dan di lain waktu kalian hanyalah seonggok manusia ga berguna yang membuat kami terjun bebas dari awang" khayalan yg SEOLAH" kalian buat indah ituu..

AKU GA BUTUH ITU SEMUA!!!
yang kubutuhkan hanyalah rasa aman dan nyaman serta rasa saling percaya yang sungguh".. bukan rasa percaya yg datang dari setu pihak. seperti simbiosis mutualisme yg saling menguntungkan.. bukan simbiosis parasitisme yg merugikan salah satu pihak.


aaaah...

HOW TO FIX THIS BROKEN FEELINGS?